The Diary of a Nobody
Being the modern day record of Charles
Pooter VI -
direct descendant of the 19th Century original
Sunday, May 23, 2010
We went across to Beckenham for a light meal with Annie James and her husband. I wasn’t hungry, since I’d had a big lunch, and the whole evening was spoilt by Keanu, their only son. I think he’s a spoilt brat.Two or three times, he came over and deliberately kicked me in the shins. One time, it hurt so much, that it nearly bought tears to my eyes. I told him off, quite gently, but Annie said “Please don’t tell him off. I don’t believe in being too harsh with young children. It constrains their natural sense of self-expression”.
Keanu started bawling at this point, and when Carrie tried to calm him down, he whacked her across the face.
I was so annoyed, I said, “That’s no way to raise a child, Annie”.
Annie said, “Different people have different approaches. Even your Lupin has his faults, wouldn’t you say?”
A Mr Mezzini (Italian, I think), took Keanu onto his lap. The child wriggled and kicked and broke away from Mezzini, saying, “I don’t like you. Your face is dirty”.
A very nice guy, Tim Birks Spooner, took Keanu by the wrist and said, “Hey, wee man, come and listen to this”.
He got out his mobile, and played a funny ringtone which sounded like a singing frog. To our horror, Keanu snatched the phone out of his hand and threw it on the floor like it was a rubber ball.
Tim was very relaxed about it, said he could replace the cracked screen, and didn’t think the camera had been damaged.
Just to show how people’s opinions vary, Carrie said that Keanu was bad-tempered but made up for it because he looked so sweet. She said he was a really handsome boy.
I might be wrong, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen an uglier child. That’s my opinion.
Keanu Wayne Orlando James
©MMIX KONSIGNIA. All rights reserved.
Why shouldn’t
I publish
my diary?
I often see memoirs by people I’ve never even heard of and I don’t see why my diary should be any less interesting, just because I’m not a ‘celebrity’. I only wish I’d started it when I was younger.
Charles Pooter
The Laurels, 32 Elmside,
Barleycorn Mead, Harrow on the Hill.
charles@charlespooter.com
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