The Diary of a Nobody
Being the modern day record of Charles
Pooter VI -
direct descendant of the 19th Century original
Friday, February 19, 2010
Before he left for work, Lupin said, “Look, I’m really sorry about the Langella shares. If the boss had been around, it wouldn’t have happened. Actually, I suspect something’s up. No one’s seen Josh for a couple of days now, and there’s been a lot of calls from people who’re very keen to speak to him”.In the evening, Lupin was heading out to avoid the chance of meeting Gowing and Cummings, when Gowing walked straight in doing his usual “may I come in?” routine.
Lupin and I were surprised to find he was really jolly. We avoided saying anything about Langella, but he raised the subject himself. He said, “Hey, those Langella shares completely collapsed, didn’t they. Not so smart now, eh Lupin? How much did you lose?" I was astonished when Lupin said “Nothing at all, mate. There was some cock up when the agreement was transmitted, so I never got mine. Charlie here lost £630”. I said, “What? I thought you’d invested. Otherwise I wouldn’t have got involved”. Lupin said, “Ah well, c’est la vie. You’ll more than make it back if you double up on the next tip. That’s the way it goes”. Before I had a chance to say anything, Gowing said, “Well, I didn’t lose a penny either. From some of the chat I’d heard, it was a bit too risky, so I persuaded Cummings to take my £525 of shares. He was a lot more confident about it”.
Lupin burst out laughing and said, “Alas poor Cummings! He’ll have lost over a grand”. The doorbell rang. Lupin said “If that’s Cummings, I don’t want to see him”. If Lupin had gone to the front door, he’d have run into Cummings, so he opened the French windows and ran out. Gowing stood up and said, “Me neither”, and followed suit.
I was scandalised to think that my own son, and one of my best friends could leave like a pair of criminals interrupted in the middle of a burglary. Cummings was very upset, and very angry with Lupin and Gowing. I offered him a little whisky, but he said he’d given it up. He said he’d have a glass of buckwheat beer instead, because the doctor on GMTV had said it was really healthy. I’d never heard of it. Carrie popped down to Oddbins to try and get some.
©MMIX KONSIGNIA. All rights reserved.
Why shouldn’t
I publish
my diary?
I often see memoirs by people I’ve never even heard of and I don’t see why my diary should be any less interesting, just because I’m not a ‘celebrity’. I only wish I’d started it when I was younger.
Charles Pooter
The Laurels, 32 Elmside,
Barleycorn Mead, Harrow on the Hill.
charles@charlespooter.com
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