The Diary of a Nobody
Being the modern day record of Charles
Pooter VI -
direct descendant of the 19th Century original
Thursday, November 12, 2009
I woke up about twenty times in the night, feeling absolutely parched. Drank a whole pint of water, and then had to keep going back and forth to the bathroom every time I woke to get more. I had this weird dream: to cut to the chase, the party was a failure, loads of gate-crashers came in and threw a variety of stuff at Barry Perkupp, and eventually I hid him under a towel in the airing cupboard. All of which is completely ridiculous, but it was disturbingly real in the dream. It recurred about a dozen times.Carrie really irritated me by saying “You know champagne doesn’t agree with you”. I told her I’d only had a couple of glasses and otherwise I’d kept to the Jacob’s Creek. I also pointed out that good bubbly never hurt anybody, and Lupin had got it as an end-of-bin special – the rest had been bought up by some posh West End club.
I think I stuffed myself a bit on the food front (the girl in the fishnets who was doing the waitressing called them “side dishes”). I said to Carrie, “I wish I’d put those side dishes aside”. I repeated it, but Carrie was busy sorting out the bottles for the recycling. At about half eleven, I set off for the office, but got waylaid by Lupin who suddenly appeared, looking very washed out. He said “Hiya fella. How’s it hanging? You were wankered”. I told him I hadn’t a clue what that meant. He added “God, when I woke up, it felt like someone was smashing a shedload of crockery inside my head”. On the spur of the moment, I said the cleverest thing I’ve ever said: “I suspect the drink was the “saucer” all that!”. We all had a good laugh.
©MMIX KONSIGNIA. All rights reserved.
Why shouldn’t
I publish
my diary?
I often see memoirs by people I’ve never even heard of and I don’t see why my diary should be any less interesting, just because I’m not a ‘celebrity’. I only wish I’d started it when I was younger.
Charles Pooter
The Laurels, 32 Elmside,
Barleycorn Mead, Harrow on the Hill.
charles@charlespooter.com
Archives
XML Site Feed
(whatever one of those is)
Powered by Blogger