The Diary of a Nobody
Being the modern day record of Charles
Pooter VI -
direct descendant of the 19th Century original
Friday, November 20, 2009
I forgot my mobile today – second time this week. I must be losing my memory. What with all the Daisy Mutlar stuff, I forgot to get in touch with Rudy to tell him I’d be out tonight (lie). He’d probably have turned up whatever I said. I think he’s that kind of bloke.Good old Cummings came in the evening. Gowing texted to say he hoped I wouldn’t mind if he didn’t turn up, which made me laugh. Apparently, his cheek was still sore. Rudy arrived, but Lupin wasn’t around. I was seriously put out when Jimmy Padge rolled up by himself, without Gowing. “Jimmy! What a lovely surprise,” I said, with a subtle touch of sarcasm. Carrie (ever the diplomat) said, “I’m sure he’s only popped in to see Rudy’s other routine”. Jimmy said “Yeah. You OK with that?" He made a bee-line for the comfy chair, and (again) didn’t move all night.
Jimmy Padge
I suppose the advantage is, since his diet consists mainly of Stella, we don’t have the bother of feeding him, but I’ll have to have a chat with Gowing about the guy. The Julian Clary impressions went on all bloody evening. Boring, boring, boring. We had a bit of a heated discussion at one point, because Cummings said that Rudy wasn’t just like Julian Clary, he was as good or even better. I pointed out that Rudy was just imitating the original.
Cummings said that an imitation could be better than an original. I said something very smart, namely, “Without an original there can be no imitation”. Rudy (rudely) said “Pack it in. Mr Pooter: I’d advise you NOT to talk about things you clearly don’t understand”. Jimmy, the fat slob, said “Too right, mate”. Carrie (thank God) saved the situation by saying “How’s about I do Victoria Wood?" No one reckoned much to the accuracy of her impression, but she was so spontaneous and funny, it distracted everyone from a debate which was clearly turning a bit nasty.
When they were leaving, I told Rudy and Jimmy pretty pointedly that we’d got something planned for tomorrow evening and wouldn’t be around.
©MMIX KONSIGNIA. All rights reserved.
Why shouldn’t
I publish
my diary?
I often see memoirs by people I’ve never even heard of and I don’t see why my diary should be any less interesting, just because I’m not a ‘celebrity’. I only wish I’d started it when I was younger.
Charles Pooter
The Laurels, 32 Elmside,
Barleycorn Mead, Harrow on the Hill.
charles@charlespooter.com
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