The Diary of a Nobody
Being the modern day record of Charles
Pooter VI -
direct descendant of the 19th Century original
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Cummings got here early, and Gowing arrived a bit later. He’d brought a fat and rather slobbish guy with a long greasy pony-tail. He was called Jimmy Padge, and Gowing hadn’t had the decency to ask if it’d be OK for him to tag along. He didn’t even seem to think any apology was in order. Gowing said Jimmy wanted to see Rudy’s Julian Clary routine. Jimmy said, “Yeah”, and that was about it from him for the whole evening. Lupin came in. He was clearly feeling more up-beat. After half an hour, Lupin left the room. He came back in five minutes, and announced “Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Mr Julian Clary!”.
Lupin announces “Mr Julian Clary”
We were all astonished. The resemblance was uncanny. The only one who didn’t seem interested was Jimmy, who’d sat himself down in my comfy chair in the corner, with a six pack of Stella he‘d brought with him. After a while I said to Carrie “I’m not quite sure I like this brand of humour.” Quick as a flash she said “Perhaps you prefer the “Jo” brand!”. We all had a great laugh at that, bar Rudy who said (pretty patronisingly), “Good joke love, but hardly original”.
That was out of order so I said, “Excuse me, Rudy, I ….” but he didn’t let me finish. “Now don’t be naughty. It’s Julian, not Rudy”, which made me totally forgot what I’d meant to say to him. All through supper, Rudy went on and on about Julian Clary. You can only take so much camp comedy, and Carrie and I reckoned we’d had enough. After we’d eaten, Rudy got carried away, kissed Gowing passionately, left lipstick marks all over his face and scratched his cheek quite badly – even drawing some blood. Gowing was peeved, but Jimmy (who’d not had supper with us since he was perfectly happy hogging the comfy chair, swigging his Stella) started laughing uncontrollably. I was annoyed and said, “I suppose you’d find it even funnier if he poked his eye out?" Jimmy said, “Yeah! You’re right there mate” and laughed even more. The big surprise for me was when Rudy said, on his way out, “Goodnight then – and thanks. I’m glad you enjoyed it. I’ll do my other big routine tomorrow night”.
©MMIX KONSIGNIA. All rights reserved.
Why shouldn’t
I publish
my diary?
I often see memoirs by people I’ve never even heard of and I don’t see why my diary should be any less interesting, just because I’m not a ‘celebrity’. I only wish I’d started it when I was younger.
Charles Pooter
The Laurels, 32 Elmside,
Barleycorn Mead, Harrow on the Hill.
charles@charlespooter.com
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