The Diary of a Nobody

Being the modern day record of Charles Pooter VI -
direct descendant of the 19th Century original

Friday, July 31, 2009

A beautiful day. I’m really looking forward to tomorrow. Carrie’s bought some kind of collapsible beach chair with a canopy which is huge. I told her it looked ridiculous. She said Annie James had one twice the size, so the matter dropped. I got myself a great hat to keep the sun off. I don’t know what it’s called, but it looks a bit like one of those ones worn by Crocodile Dundee (without the corks). Got some sports socks to go with my sandals down at Primark, and then spent the evening getting packed. Carrie reminded me to borrow Chris Higgsworth’s binoculars, so I popped across to get them. Everything was looking good, until I checked my e-mail and opened something from Corton’s e-booking admin. It was an automated notification saying there had been a computer error and there’d been a double booking. There were limited vacancies available at Corton’s partner resort Gunton Hall (nearby) but only from Monday onwards, since they’re booked all the bank holiday week.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Got confirmation we could have the same chalet we’d had last year, so that’s good. I bought myself a striped shirt, and a pair of ox-blood coloured shoes which loads of smart city types seem to be wearing: they’re very classy, they tell me.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Got a new suit at Burton’s. The trousers on the last one were slightly flared (they’d told me this was the preferred cut now) but when I was passing Michael Pitt’s desk (he’s the self-appointed office comedian), he started singing “Night Fever” in a stupid falsetto voice. Carrie got herself a cotton shift with an African-style print like she‘d seen in Bella magazine, and a straw beach hat. In the evening, she spent a bit of time fixing some chiffon round it, whilst I read to her from the local paper. We had a good laugh when I tried the hat on. Carrie said it looked hysterical with my sideburns. She thought people would have laughed themselves sick if they saw it in a sitcom or something.

Michael Pitt started singing “Night Fever” in a stupid falsetto voice

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Carrie liked the bracelet. I’d left it with a nice little note on her dressing table before I headed for bed last night. I told her we’d need to shift our holiday forward and leave next Saturday. She said no problem (except the weather was so abysmal), but she was worried about getting a summer dress sorted in time. I told her I thought the white cotton one she got from Zara was fine. Carrie was adamant it wasn’t. I was going to say more, but remembered yesterday’s fall out, and didn’t.

I said to Carrie “How’s about we head off to Corton Coastal Village?” I thought she really liked the place, but instead she said “No way, it’s a dump”. I was a bit shocked, to tell the truth. I looked at the time, realised I was running late, and rushed out of the house saying “I’ll leave it to you Carrie – you decide”. When I got back after work, Carrie said since there wasn’t much time, she reckoned Corton would do, and she’d done an e-booking in conjunction with an offer running in the Mail.

Monday, July 27, 2009

The weather’s been cold and horrible, and it’s either upsetting me or Carrie or both of us. We keep having arguments about nothing, usually at meal times. For some reason we were talking about balloons this morning. We were having a bit of a laugh, and then the conversation drifted into stuff about family. All of a sudden Carrie started having a go about all the financial difficulties my father had had. I told her that whatever the rights or wrongs of it, he’d always been a real gentleman. Carrie burst out crying. I couldn’t touch my breakfast.

At the office, Barry Perkupp told me he was sorry about the short notice, but there were staffing problems and if it was at all possible, could I re-schedule my holiday to start next Saturday? Jim Franching dropped in to the office and invited me out for a meal at “Platinum” (some private members club he goes to). After this morning’s fall out, I was worried Carrie might get a bit moody, so I sent her a text saying I was off out with Franching and she needn’t wait up. Bought a bracelet for Carrie.

Why shouldn’t
I publish
my diary?

I often see memoirs by people I’ve never even heard of and I don’t see why my diary should be any less interesting, just because I’m not a ‘celebrity’. I only wish I’d started it when I was younger.

Charles Pooter
The Laurels, 32 Elmside,
Barleycorn Mead, Harrow on the Hill.
charles@charlespooter.com