The Diary of a Nobody
Being the modern day record of Charles
Pooter VI -
direct descendant of the 19th Century original
Thursday, June 04, 2009
How embarrassing. I ran into Jim Franching, who lives in Greenwich. He’s a bit of a mover and shaker. We were chatting and (in the way you do) I invited him back to our place for a bite to eat, not thinking he’d accept. So I was slightly taken aback when he said he’d love to, because he fancied a bit of company. Then he insisted on driving me back in his brand new Lexus LS (“the Japanese Mercedes” he called it). He said he’d lost a load of money (something to do with a fund linked to Madoff), but if some scheister thought he could take his wheels on the back of a cheap-skate Ponzi scheme, he had another think coming.
Jim Franching from Greenwich
It looked pretty impressive, pulling up in the driveway outside the house in his “wheels”. But the front door was double locked, and through the glass, I could see Carrie running upstairs. I told Jim to wait at the front, while I went round to the side. I found the cat scratching at the door, having left nasty claw marks all over it. No time to reprimand him; so had to go round the back and climb in through the kitchen window. I let Jim in, showed him into the living room, and went up to see Carrie. She was changing out of her jeans into a dress. I told her that I’d asked Jim back for a bite to eat. She said “What the...? There’s hardly anything in the fridge, you idiot”.
The cat was leaving nasty claw marks all over the door
Eventually, she went down, and unloaded the dishwasher and sorted the dining room table. I gave Franching a copy of Homes and Gardens to look at, and slipped out to the Spar to get some garlic bread, dips, tortillas and Indian mini-snacks.
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
I picked up the shirts from Johnson’s. Irritatingly, the repairs cost more than the shirts had done in the first place. I kicked up quite a fuss, and the man behind the counter got very wound up. He said “They’re actually a lot better now than they were when you first got them”. Eventually I paid up but told him it was daylight robbery. He said “Your choice. Next time, don’t bother coming in here, and don’t bother with repairs. Just go down to Lidl and buy a dozen crap shirts for £9.99”.Monday, June 01, 2009
Carrie and I went round to the Cummings’ place for a quiet night in. Gowing was there, and Stillbrook. Cummings was keen to try out a karaoke DVD he’d bought and his wife did five songs or so. I’m no expert, but I reckoned “The Green Green Grass of Home” and “Songbird” (Eva Cassidy) were the best. Then she sang “Bridge Over Troubled Water” as a duet with Carrie. It was really good. If Carrie had been in better voice, I think it would have been up to professional standards, so after we’d eaten, we got them to do it again.I hadn’t been at all keen on Stillbrook (following the golf club debacle), but when he sang “The Funky Gibbon” (with all the actions), it was hilarious and he had everyone in stitches. He improvised in one verse, but it was slightly racist. I didn’t feel comfortable with it: Gowing thought it was a stroke of genius and the best bit of the whole song.
©MMIX KONSIGNIA. All rights reserved.
Why shouldn’t
I publish
my diary?
I often see memoirs by people I’ve never even heard of and I don’t see why my diary should be any less interesting, just because I’m not a ‘celebrity’. I only wish I’d started it when I was younger.
Charles Pooter
The Laurels, 32 Elmside,
Barleycorn Mead, Harrow on the Hill.
charles@charlespooter.com
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