The Diary of a Nobody
Being the modern day record of Charles
Pooter VI -
direct descendant of the 19th Century original
Sunday, April 26, 2009
I woke up with a splitting headache and something which felt like a real stinker of a cold coming on. Carrie got some stupid bee in her bonnet about it (like she usually does over these things) and said it was probably a respiratory condition of some sort caused by constantly inhaling toxic paint fumes over the past three days. I told her that when it came to working out what was wrong with me, I knew a lot better than she did, thank you very much. I was feeling feverish (all hot and cold), so I decided to run myself a very hot Radox bath. Ran it so hot I could hardly bear it, but managed to lower myself in eventually. It was steaming, but felt really good, and I just lay there for a while.I pulled my hand out of the water for a moment and – my god – I was more shocked than I’ve ever been in my life. My hand was covered in blood. I thought I’d severed an artery or something and was going to die (it was that bad), and suddenly (for some reason) imagined the whole situation being re-enacted on Holby City. I shouted for Carrie, but realised she was out. Finally I worked out it was the stencil paint, which must have dissolved in the boiling water. I got out of the bath, and found I was streaked all over with red, looking for all the world like a tribesman I’d seen on a Bruce Parry documentary about the Amazon. I decided not to say a word to Carrie, but got some turps from the shed and - with a lot of elbow grease - managed to get rid of all the paint.
I looked like a tribesman I’d seen on a Bruce Parry documentary
©MMIX KONSIGNIA. All rights reserved.
Why shouldn’t
I publish
my diary?
I often see memoirs by people I’ve never even heard of and I don’t see why my diary should be any less interesting, just because I’m not a ‘celebrity’. I only wish I’d started it when I was younger.
Charles Pooter
The Laurels, 32 Elmside,
Barleycorn Mead, Harrow on the Hill.
charles@charlespooter.com
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